"A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain"

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

it's totally crappy to feel the way i feel now.

but yet again, nobody knows.

i dont blame anyone that nobody knows.

i wont tell anyone either.

going to where i get my knowledge from is sometimes a torture.

i'm all alone. no one is true. even when one is, that one is probably with others.

its ok, you probably dont get what i'm saying because nobody knows.

passing that place every morning is a torture.

it feels like i've made a wrong choice that landed me where i am and made me feel the way i do.

i hate it when i dont have a mind of my own.

i hate it when i make decisions based on people's influences.

nobody knows.

nobody knows. nobody knows, NOBODY KNOWS!

i cant whine, i cant cry, i cant scream, i cant express the way i want to.

i am numb to everything.

why is this so?

nobody knows. not even myself.

10:24 PM

no one knows

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nobody knows, nobody knows but me

That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I'm asleep

When my tears start to fall

I peek out from behind these walls

I think nobody knows, nobody knows

Nobody likes, nobody likes to lose their inner voice

The one I used to hear before my life made a choice

But I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be

And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?

And I've lost my way back homeI think nobody knows

I said nobody knows

Nobody cares

It's win or lose, not how you play the game

And the road to darkness has a way

Of always knowing my name

But I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be

And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?

And I've lost my way back home

And oh

Nobody knows

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend

I'll wake up and start all over again

When everybody else is gone

Nobody knows

Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart

The way I do when I'm lying in the dark

And the world is asleep

I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Nobody knows but me

by Pink

11:43 PM

picked up from where i left off

Saturday, May 23, 2009

BACK! by popular demand! haha

actually, just two! =D

but.. its okay.

i'm still glad to have 2 ppl interested in my life!

thank you ming and jessie! =)

so.. here goes..

though this will be quite a short one..

if there's a countdown clock before me, it'll show the no. 10

thats because.. i've only got 10 days left to my term test.

how quick time flies yea?

haha

poly life has been alright so far.

i'm getting a little more used to it.

though i think i have bipolar disorders cos sometimes i feel high about school and other times not. haha

oh no!! i'm using all the psy terms! bipolar disorder.. =D

but yup, it describes my state of mind now.

everyday's like a bullet train and assignments go zoom zoom right before your eyes.

who said poly life was slack?

i beg to differ GREATLY.

haha

and.. staying far from school doesnt help at all.

but oh well.. i know i'll get use to that real soon.

have been staying far from my schools since sec school. (though not as far n one straight bus!)

well.. i guess that's a relly short update about me so far.

will blog more often once i have time.

the keyword is "once i have time." hehe..

1:27 AM

past and present

Saturday, April 18, 2009

today marks the end of the HSS week 0 orientation.

it sure was fun and enjoyable for the past 3 days compared to last week's past 3 days!

i guess.. it sure is a good feeling to be able to find that sense of belonging that i really longed for.

i received my class posting today. got posted to 1A03.

really happy that at least, i've got a good friend in the same class as me.

but.. on the other hand, was quite sad when we both were not in the same class as the ppl we really bonded with in Apache (our orientation group name)

but.. oh well.. we consoled ourselves with the fact that we would only be separated during tutorials and not lectures.. =( haha, i dont feel consoled though.

however, someone delivered us the news that actually..

during 2nd year, we'd all be in the same class again!

hmm.. hope so! =)

anw.. met up with my sec school friends today,

and i must say that the feeling was great!

it's been a long time, 4F!

hope to always keep in contact with all of you! =)

Labels: memory turned into memories

1:50 AM

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

you know, sometimes.. when i just stone or am not doing anything,

a sudden fear grips me.
i keep worrying about this new chapter i've been talking about for the past few months.

it seems as though the fear would not go away.

what if i was not able to fit in?

what if i was not able to find a soul mate in the 3 years ahead?

what if all my friends had friends except me?

so many what ifs...

i'm really afraid, i have to say.

i cant stop worrying.

i really cant.

then, this song played in my head:
Hide me now, under Your wings,

Cover me, within Your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,

I will soar with You above the storms,

Father, You are king over the flood.

and I will be still, know You are God.

and then a verse rang in my head.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough troubles of its own."

-Matthew 6:34

so jolene, stop worrying, be still before the Lord because you know He'll bring you through everything in life, BIG or small.

put your faith in Him.

Labels: faith

11:21 PM

Friday, April 10, 2009

loneliness aint a good feeling at all. it's even worse when u feel lonely in a crowd.
what's the crowd even doing to make u feel sooo lonely?
nothing.. they're just being themselves, or their fake-selves.
u cant blame them.. u just dont fit in. face it.
how saddening eh? too bad. life's like that.
they say take it or leave. unfortunately, leave it isnt what u can do.
so.. just take it, u idiot.
tears stream out whenever u feel lonely.
u just want a companion. 1 is enough.
sadly, there's none.
are u in the wrong place?
she doesnt like that feeling at all.. she just wants to leave that place.
she longs that it doesnt keep going on.
it'll make her life miserable.
very.
but, to blend in, or to look for a companion in the crowd, u have to fit in.
to fit in means u have to be like them.
but she doesnt want to. not when the crowd's like this.
she suddenly admires all who can undergo change without changing.
she wants to be like one.
can she?
she hopes so..
u've only got 2 choices: to be urself and be lonely; to leave urself and be accepted.
but... she wants none of this 2. she wants to be herself and be accepted.
what was supposed to be 3 enjoyable days made her feel so miserable.
she hasnt any clue how she's going to face the new term ahead.
at first, she couldn't wait. now, she thinks she needs more time. ='(

in any way, thank u for those encouraging words. she feels better. =)

Labels: stop the tick tocks

1:52 AM

innocence

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

recently, i took up the role of a teacher- a tuition teacher to my 11 year old cousin.

i must say, it is not a very easy job.

firstly, because i've lost touch with primary school work for a long time.

secondly, their syllabus sure has changed a lot that they're learning what we learnt only when we've reached sec one or p6. terrible huh..

thirdly, because it is not easy to keep the attn of a kid for two long hours!
this cousin of mine is particularly lazy.. or should i say restless when it comes to studying.

she doesnt like to focus (she drifts away) and blabbers nonsense when i ask her questions which i've told her the answers like 10 secs ago! aint it tough?!

sometimes, i do get pissed that she's really just wasting my time and energy tutoring her, but there's one thing that erases all these..

a child's innocence.

this is what keeps me going..

she's really funny sometimes. esp when she blabbers nonsense that is seriously off point.

HAHA! it's both pissing, yet at the same time funny.

probably that is why i'm interested in children..

they can make your day although they may spoil your day first(if you get what i mean) =D

and.. they make you happy with their innocence and.. the list goes on.

they just make you smile from inside.

that sums it all up, i guess.

here's some pictures of those innocent little ones..
(most are of babies though. they're even more adorable!)