memories captured

Worth

2010-03-14T21:55:00.002+08:00

everyone's is worthy in God's eyes.

we are His workmanship, beautifully and wonderfully made.

hence, we should not look down on one another or think others are not worthy.

dear Lord, what can i do to revive it?

or, where has it gone wrong that really needs attention?

if You would, Lord, show me what i can do for You.

2010-02-06T01:18:00.002+08:00

you cant change what you have already done.
you cant change where you have already gone.
you cant change who you already are.
common' girl, be more self-actualized.
put what you;ve learnt to action- Maslow's Hierearchy of Needs.

you gotta shake yourself so so hard and wake yourself up from this self-delusion.
you are not gona regret your choice.
all you have to do is just be focused with what you want and what you are there for!
perhaps, you'll be really happy then.

stop blaming yourself! it's not like its such a bad decision.
you can do it!
always remeber your purpose of the choice you've made
and make sure when you leave that place, you've finished your job and achieved your goal.

change

2010-01-10T00:36:00.003+08:00

change- good and bad.
people change for the better, that's good.
people change for the worse, that's bad.
i've witnessed much change throughout 2009.
good and bad.
well..guess change's inevitable.
if you change for the good, keep it up!
if otherwise, its so important to be clear once again of what is right and head in that direction.
no matter what, God is in charge of all changes.

2010-01-04T00:30:00.002+08:00

sometimes, what you hold dearly to you might seem stupid after you have seen something that means even more and requires a deeper level of understanding.

well.. i guess that's what i have learnt from the show!

worth my 13 bucks!

*thumbs up!*

2009-12-11T13:38:00.001+08:00

UNLEASH the leader within.
are you ready?
its in 5 days!
*gasps*

thank you

2009-11-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

it's the work of teoh ling ling for this nice blogskin!
haha!
i know... you must be laughing.
cos this kinda blogskin thing should be everyone also know how to do one right?
but.. i'm different! :D
now.. don't ask why. its just as it is.. :D

anw... the purpose of this blog was to thank teoh ling ling..
so... THANK YOU.
:)

p.s. i think she forgot to change the tab name to mine instead. HAHA

2009-11-18T00:51:00.000+08:00

goodbye...

no way out.

2009-10-20T22:37:00.003+08:00

induced guilt.
more and more guilt.
gonna lose things just like that.
if there was a solution, i'd solve it.
there doesnt seem to be any though.
"run away", considered it.
what else can i do?

"life has no instruction manual" -RMA lecturer.
well..thanks for that warning.
scream.............AH!

its an endless road out there

2009-09-23T15:21:00.002+08:00

"Enough is not an action, its a direction."

how can i do something so that i wont get the chance to do it again?

2009-09-19T00:12:00.001+08:00

"you can never fail unless you quit."

contradictions

2009-09-16T00:02:00.010+08:00

i want to be part of choosing whether its the squares or

the stripes.

i want to be part of choosing whether its the cartoons

or just the plain old words.

i want to be part of choosing if its in colours

or if its just plain black and white.

i want to have a say in everything!
but, i guess its impossible now...

anw, this is something random, but i want an Accessorize wallet badly.
its so pretty. =)

2009-09-07T00:55:00.004+08:00

when it finally comes,
that's when i will really be glad.
Pastor Teoh's sermon today.
make peace part of your life.
because face it, we all need it.

"that's why i'm waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change."

2009-08-26T15:37:00.002+08:00

sighs...
i've been studying the whole day for my final paper tomorrow.
i've finished doing the 8 papers i have to and now, i dont know what else to study.
i know the 8 papers are not enough, and there's other things i should look into more.
but.. what?
i dont know!
i need someone to tell me what else i need to study!
uh-oh..

wait!
what am i doing here?!
i should be studying!

2009-08-15T01:35:00.005+08:00

*phew*

a huge sigh of relief..

psychology B term test is over!

one less paper to conquer, one more to go though.

really thank God that He has brought me through this week.

the many days where i felt i was going crazy studying for the psy test,

He provided- strength to overcome everything and emrge feeling confident.

the many times where i felt i was alone going through all the stress,

He provided- friends who are always there to remind me that we are all in it together.

the many occassions where i felt so tired of everything,

He provided- rest for me in all the least expected times.

i really just wanna thank God for all that He has brought me through.

i've got one more paper to conquer, but i know God is going to be there no matter what and He is going to show His providence in many ways i would never expect.

it goes the same for all of you out there too!

when you fell tired, stressed, drained, REMEMBER, God is always there for you no matter what.

"If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders,

I know my brother that He will carry you.

If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders,
I know my sister that He will carry you."

2009-08-02T23:26:00.002+08:00

i'm waiting for this really strong gust of wind to blow me off.

off from where i've been standing for a really long time.

so long, i'm starting to get comfortable in it.

but i know that comfort is nothing right.

that's cos i've been staying at that same spot, so stagnant in everything-

my life, my studies, my service to God and His people, my spiritual walk, my everything i guess.

after reading a friend's blog, i realise that its actually time i pick myself up and move on.

that comfy place isn't so comfy after all.

it's hard to find that drive, that motivation, that passion.

all that i used to have. though not 100 percent, but still much more than what i have now.

presently, it's almost reduced to nothing.

i need that fire. i need it back.

i need that drive, i need it back.

i need that wind to pick me up and move on.

and dear God... that's none other than You.

"Challenge yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone... God will make something out of that nothing."

2009-07-26T00:57:00.002+08:00

NOTE: IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED ICE AGE 3 AND WANT TO, PLEASE ASK ME OUT!

i really want to watch that movie. it seems as though it is the kind of movie that will make you laugh till your cheeks and stomach hurt. HAHA

Anw, this past few days have been passing like a rocket train for me.

ever since wednesday night, i have been hoping that thursday wouldnt come cos i really have no idea how to cope with the busy-ness that was to come.

but tonight, all has finally come to an end.

all the busy-ness is met with a full stop.

as i sit before the computer now, i can finally take a deep breath and be glad that it is all over. thank God for He has brought me through the days that i dread to go through.

thank God for He has sustained me through the many things that happened in this few days.

in just a matter of hours, the week is going to begin again and all the busy-ness will naturally flow in. but, really just wanna hand it all unto God and ask that He will take charge of everything.

life and death

2009-07-21T23:45:00.004+08:00

life and death is not something one can control.

the only One who can control it is the One who made us-God.

in life, we do not treasure the little things that happen and we dwell on the big things that do.

it is only till death before we realise the importance of those little things that take place.

little things like your parents being around.

little things like your friends being there.

little things like these..

they never used to have a significance. or, they have little significance.

but, when we are about to lose it, we realise they are so important.

by then, we'd not have the luxury of time and life to cherish them.

people always say, "life is short," and they stop there.

they often forget the back part - "cherish it".

it took me a person's death to realise it and i thank God for this important lesson learnt.

it's a life lesson that will always be etched in my memory and it will not just stop there but, it will take application to make this lesson meaningful.

life sure is short, so cherish every moment of it, big or small. and you'll realise that life is filled with so many things that can only be seen on the outside of a ignorant human's eye-view.

cultivate God's eye-view.

2009-06-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

it's totally crappy to feel the way i feel now.

but yet again, nobody knows.

i dont blame anyone that nobody knows.

i wont tell anyone either.

going to where i get my knowledge from is sometimes a torture.

i'm all alone. no one is true. even when one is, that one is probably with others.

its ok, you probably dont get what i'm saying because nobody knows.

passing that place every morning is a torture.

it feels like i've made a wrong choice that landed me where i am and made me feel the way i do.

i hate it when i dont have a mind of my own.

i hate it when i make decisions based on people's influences.

nobody knows.

nobody knows. nobody knows, NOBODY KNOWS!

i cant whine, i cant cry, i cant scream, i cant express the way i want to.

i am numb to everything.

why is this so?

nobody knows. not even myself.

no one knows

2009-06-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

Nobody knows, nobody knows but me

That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I'm asleep

When my tears start to fall

I peek out from behind these walls

I think nobody knows, nobody knows

Nobody likes, nobody likes to lose their inner voice

The one I used to hear before my life made a choice

But I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be

And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?

And I've lost my way back homeI think nobody knows

I said nobody knows

Nobody cares

It's win or lose, not how you play the game

And the road to darkness has a way

Of always knowing my name

But I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be

And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?

And I've lost my way back home

And oh

Nobody knows

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend

I'll wake up and start all over again

When everybody else is gone

Nobody knows

Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart

The way I do when I'm lying in the dark

And the world is asleep

I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Nobody knows but me

by Pink

picked up from where i left off

2009-05-23T01:27:00.002+08:00

BACK! by popular demand! haha

actually, just two! =D

but.. its okay.

i'm still glad to have 2 ppl interested in my life!

thank you ming and jessie! =)

so.. here goes..

though this will be quite a short one..

if there's a countdown clock before me, it'll show the no. 10

thats because.. i've only got 10 days left to my term test.

how quick time flies yea?

haha

poly life has been alright so far.

i'm getting a little more used to it.

though i think i have bipolar disorders cos sometimes i feel high about school and other times not. haha

oh no!! i'm using all the psy terms! bipolar disorder.. =D

but yup, it describes my state of mind now.

everyday's like a bullet train and assignments go zoom zoom right before your eyes.

who said poly life was slack?

i beg to differ GREATLY.

haha

and.. staying far from school doesnt help at all.

but oh well.. i know i'll get use to that real soon.

have been staying far from my schools since sec school. (though not as far n one straight bus!)

well.. i guess that's a relly short update about me so far.

will blog more often once i have time.

the keyword is "once i have time." hehe..

past and present

2009-04-18T01:50:00.004+08:00

today marks the end of the HSS week 0 orientation.

it sure was fun and enjoyable for the past 3 days compared to last week's past 3 days!

i guess.. it sure is a good feeling to be able to find that sense of belonging that i really longed for.

i received my class posting today. got posted to 1A03.

really happy that at least, i've got a good friend in the same class as me.

but.. on the other hand, was quite sad when we both were not in the same class as the ppl we really bonded with in Apache (our orientation group name)

but.. oh well.. we consoled ourselves with the fact that we would only be separated during tutorials and not lectures.. =( haha, i dont feel consoled though.

however, someone delivered us the news that actually..

during 2nd year, we'd all be in the same class again!

hmm.. hope so! =)

anw.. met up with my sec school friends today,

and i must say that the feeling was great!

it's been a long time, 4F!

hope to always keep in contact with all of you! =)

2009-04-15T23:21:00.004+08:00

you know, sometimes.. when i just stone or am not doing anything,

a sudden fear grips me.
i keep worrying about this new chapter i've been talking about for the past few months.

it seems as though the fear would not go away.

what if i was not able to fit in?

what if i was not able to find a soul mate in the 3 years ahead?

what if all my friends had friends except me?

so many what ifs...

i'm really afraid, i have to say.

i cant stop worrying.

i really cant.

then, this song played in my head:
Hide me now, under Your wings,

Cover me, within Your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,

I will soar with You above the storms,

Father, You are king over the flood.

and I will be still, know You are God.

and then a verse rang in my head.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough troubles of its own."

-Matthew 6:34

so jolene, stop worrying, be still before the Lord because you know He'll bring you through everything in life, BIG or small.

put your faith in Him.

2009-04-10T01:52:00.005+08:00

loneliness aint a good feeling at all. it's even worse when u feel lonely in a crowd.
what's the crowd even doing to make u feel sooo lonely?
nothing.. they're just being themselves, or their fake-selves.
u cant blame them.. u just dont fit in. face it.
how saddening eh? too bad. life's like that.
they say take it or leave. unfortunately, leave it isnt what u can do.
so.. just take it, u idiot.
tears stream out whenever u feel lonely.
u just want a companion. 1 is enough.
sadly, there's none.
are u in the wrong place?
she doesnt like that feeling at all.. she just wants to leave that place.
she longs that it doesnt keep going on.
it'll make her life miserable.
very.
but, to blend in, or to look for a companion in the crowd, u have to fit in.
to fit in means u have to be like them.
but she doesnt want to. not when the crowd's like this.
she suddenly admires all who can undergo change without changing.
she wants to be like one.
can she?
she hopes so..
u've only got 2 choices: to be urself and be lonely; to leave urself and be accepted.
but... she wants none of this 2. she wants to be herself and be accepted.
what was supposed to be 3 enjoyable days made her feel so miserable.
she hasnt any clue how she's going to face the new term ahead.
at first, she couldn't wait. now, she thinks she needs more time. ='(

in any way, thank u for those encouraging words. she feels better. =)

innocence

2009-04-01T00:31:00.009+08:00

recently, i took up the role of a teacher- a tuition teacher to my 11 year old cousin.

i must say, it is not a very easy job.

firstly, because i've lost touch with primary school work for a long time.

secondly, their syllabus sure has changed a lot that they're learning what we learnt only when we've reached sec one or p6. terrible huh..

thirdly, because it is not easy to keep the attn of a kid for two long hours!
this cousin of mine is particularly lazy.. or should i say restless when it comes to studying.

she doesnt like to focus (she drifts away) and blabbers nonsense when i ask her questions which i've told her the answers like 10 secs ago! aint it tough?!

sometimes, i do get pissed that she's really just wasting my time and energy tutoring her, but there's one thing that erases all these..

a child's innocence.

this is what keeps me going..

she's really funny sometimes. esp when she blabbers nonsense that is seriously off point.

HAHA! it's both pissing, yet at the same time funny.

probably that is why i'm interested in children..

they can make your day although they may spoil your day first(if you get what i mean) =D

and.. they make you happy with their innocence and.. the list goes on.

they just make you smile from inside.

that sums it all up, i guess.

here's some pictures of those innocent little ones..
(most are of babies though. they're even more adorable!)

but, of course i love this toddler the most..

DARIUS!

what's your "sky" now?

2009-03-22T01:26:00.005+08:00

i kinda figured life's a little like the sky.
it's unpredictable.
one moment it can be all sunny and brightly lit.
the next moment? a gust of wind might just blow some dark clouds and cover up the sun.
or.. one moment, it might be full of dark clouds and rain taking over the sun.
but.. be glad! the next moment a beautiful rainbow appears.

its all unknown what can come next.
the bright sun that sends its radiance throughout the sky and turns it orange?
an army of dark clouds taking over?
a beautiful rainbow that spreads across?
or simply just a clear blue sky with fluffy white clouds?

you never know which kind of "sky" you are going to experience in your life, but always remember, whatever the "sky" may be, God's faithfulness is everlasting.
it goes the same for His love.
they are new every morning.
He will bring you through every single kind of "sky'' you may come to experience in life.
Rejoice for He is good!

2009-03-13T23:52:00.004+08:00

you cannot add days to your life. but, you can add life to your days.

think hard on life's occurances and it might mean something to you

2009-03-11T23:09:00.003+08:00

while riding bus 162 to my cousin's to collect some presentation suit today,

i saw this bunch (or rather this 2 bunches) of texts flasehd on TV mobile:

Be thankful for your limitations, it means you have opportunities to improve.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, it means you have made a difference.

the first phrase was flashed across a background of a baby sitting on his bum, trying to move around, but not being able to walk yet.

the second was flashed across a background of a really tired man, or boy, or just a kid.

can you imagine it now?

there wasnt any instant thoughts after seeing those phrases, i must say.

i just stared at it and told myself that it sure was inspiring.

in what way, i dont really know it myself. haha

it's just one of those indescribable moments again.

now that i'm done sharing what i thought was inspiring to me (and hopefully to you),

i'd better be back to brainstorming on what to write on my cover letter of some scholarship interview i'm going for tmr.

oh my, it is a thousand times harder to brainstorm for that cover letter than to blog about what was inspirational.

oh well.. better continue before i cant think anymore!

slumdog millionaire

2009-03-05T00:58:00.008+08:00

if you havent caught the movie slumdog millionaire, you really should consider doing so!

it was a great movie about love, brotherhood as well as remembering the times of your life.

love because it showed how true love can last through all sorts of life's circumstances.

well, of course the couple in the show had a happy ending. they were together. but if it weren't for Jamal's persistent love for Latika, i guess the ending wouldn't have been so.

brotherhood because the show illustrated how Salim, a mean brother to start with ended up sacrificing himself for Jamal, his younger brother. although Salim did do things that are dispicable towards his brother, he still showed love for his brother in times of need. maybe it is only because he owes Jamal too much. but i guess that's not all. he still loves him a lot.

so.. if you have a brother that seems to be doing things that irritates or angers you, dont worry, cos i'm sure he loves you deep down somewhere. (seems like i'm consoling myself. HAHA oops!)

and lastly.. remembering the times of your life!

rmb i had a post long ago describing the remembering of the times of your life?

if you dont, you might want to start remembering it detailed-ly.

who knows, one day, you might win 20,000,000 (rupees) with them! =)

it would be good if those times of your life include a mean but caring brother; a pretty and beautiful indian lady and of course cash you can spend in nowhere but india.

well, i dont know if i'm doing the movie justice by giving my personal inputs on it.

there is definitely much more to expect from it, its just that i cant put them all into words!

YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH IT TO BELIEVE IT!

so, what are you waiting for?!

why is april taking so long?

2009-02-27T16:25:00.006+08:00

exactly 10 long days since i've last blogged.
before i logged on to blogger, i was actually reading visiting many blogs.
blogs of many of my schoolmates. or rather, used-to-be schoolmates.
i read their old posts and then moved on to the more recent ones.
and then what happens?
slowly, the names that these friends mentioned gradually becomes more unfamiliar.
no longer 4F, Nan Chiau or the many nick names we give each other.
now, it's become the names that i've never heard of in my life.
guess they've really moved on and entered another chapter and met new people.
but i believe somewhere, deep in them, they still miss the old times.. right guys? =)

well.. i cant wait to start school and meet different people too!
but the sad thing is that there's still one more month and a few more days to go..
sometimes, i do ponder on why i didnt enter a college instead.
being blessed with eligible scores but not taking up the offer.
haha. i guess i'm just jealous that all of you all already have something going on in your lives while i'm still waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting..
perhaps once i start school, things might be different then..

april, are you coming soon or what?!

testing

2009-02-17T00:44:00.001+08:00

not in the mood to blog today.
was just testing out something with blogger.
so.. pardon me, this is a totally redundant post. haha =)

times of your life

2009-02-10T23:29:00.002+08:00

were there times of your life you really remember?
or do you seem like you remember them but they are long gone?
while reading many blogs today, i realised something. i miss the good old days.
the days where i had a routined life. funny but true.
i really do miss the days where i just wake up, wash up, get dressed, go to school, spend time in school, end school, return home, eat, study, nap, study, eat, tv, sleep, and the same thing happens the next day too.
i guess i;m just too lost in my holidays.
everyday is just almost meaningless. it feels as though i'm throwing everyday away.
and i guess the recession is real bad too. i've been looking for a job but to no avail.
sent out thousands of mails but not a single reply.
probably i havent been looking hard enough? i dont know.

i cant wait till the day i finally start school. then i'll return to my routine life once again.
but by then, probably i'd be blogging about remembering the good old days where i just stayed home and did everything at my own pace.

sighs.. life is so contradicting. or, is it just me?

2009-02-02T01:14:00.006+08:00

i've not posted in a long time yeah? just realised too.

haha.

stretch a rubber band between two poles and make sure it has way too much tension.

then use your finger and flick the middle hard, real hard.

what happens?

it SNAPS!

blow a ballon to its fullest.

but dont stop, keep blowing.

what happens?

it BURSTS!

stand at the 3rd storey of a flat.

play trust fall and believe that the bed that your friend set to catch you will work.

what happens?

well, i don't think i'll jump.

everything is so unreliable.

rubber bands meant to stretch so that you can tie it around something snaps.

balloons meant to be blown up big and beautifully bursts.

beds that are meant to give you comfort might you even more afraid.

now for the SERIOUS

2009-01-11T23:00:00.003+08:00

in just 15 hours time,
my new chapter would unfold.
i'm full of uncertainty.
so many different opinions and so many different choices.
what am i to do or choose?
everyone looks certain on where they are going.
i'm stranded in my thoughts.
"JC! No, POLY! No No, JC. POLY! POLY! JC! JC! POLY!!!"
i'll stop here cos i think you already know my dilemma.
i just dont know what's right for me.
so what now?
one thing, no actually two things left to do.
first, to keep praying.
second, to have faith in God in everything i do.
well that's it! i have decided!
this is it!
i'm going to..........

PRAY!
at least i think that would make me less uncertain.
"God, take charge please!"

muthu's mother tongue PART II

2009-01-11T22:55:00.002+08:00

here's more after much hunting on the net.
uh-oh, i think i'm getting the hang of it!
haha.
really, just ignore me.
i'm being mad here.

συχνά αισθάνομαι όλο μόνο. όλα που πηγαίνω κατευθείαν, το κρατώ σε με. ξέρω ότι είναι αρκετά ηλίθιο. αλλά παρακαλώ, με επιτρέψτε να είμαι. σκέφτομαι ότι αξίζω κάποιο χρόνο μόνο. καλέστε με εσωστρεφή ή τίποτα. δεν θέλω πραγματικά να φροντίσω άλλο. είμαι κουρασμένου όλων αυτών που με δίνετε και έχω προσπαθήσει τόσο τόσο σκληρά ήδη. με τεντώνετε σε μεγάλο μέρος και προτού να εκραγώ, ελπίζω ότι θα σταματούσατε. μισώ τις νύχτες Σαββάτου. είναι μια νύχτα όπου τα δάκρυα ρέουν συνεχώς κάτω από τα μάτια μου. δεν είναι εύκολο εσείς ξέρει, γιατί πρέπει να κάνετε πάντα αυτό σε με. αναρωτιέμαι πάντα γιατί έπρεπε να τεθώ μέσω αυτού. είμαι πάντα έτσι αποθαρρυνμένου από αυτό που λέτε. γιατί με συγκρίνετε με την; κατόπιν την επιλέξτε! γιατί εγώ; είμαι τόσο τόσο άρρωστος και κουρασμένου από το. με εμπιστευθείτε με όλη την καρδιά μου. εάν δεν μπορώ να το πάρω άλλο, μια ημέρα ακριβώς να εξαφανιστώ. με διαθέστε, παρακαλώ. πιθανώς μέχρι το αύριο, θα είχα ξεχάσει όλα αυτά που λέω. αλλά τουλάχιστον το κατέβηκα το στήθος μου για τώρα. λίγο ανακουφισμένος τώρα.

it's the new year!

2009-01-01T23:00:00.002+08:00

isn't this photo pretty?

if only the kite could carry my weight.
i'd then be a teeny bit nearer to my dream of touching a cloud someday.
my mind is constantly on the go.
why cant i reach those fluffy clouds in the sky?
hold on, is it even possible in the first place?
okay, i've got your answer.
just leave me to dream yeah?
haha.

anyway,
it's 2009!!
isn't 2008 fast?
just a few months ago, i was still flipping books each day and pondering on the lessons in class each day.
unbelievably, 2008 has passed.
and it's now a new chapter, new environment and almost a new life for me.
i'm moving on!
whatever's bad in 2008, i guess i'll just leave it there.
whatever i've learnt from 2008, i'll take it along with me to 2009.
no matter what, i'd still like to give thanks to God for bringing me through the whole of 2008.
it's memorable, unforgettable and laughable.

2009, here i come!! =)

meet ups

2008-12-23T00:32:00.002+08:00

on this very day,
at 9 am in the morning,
we finally met up again after such a long time!
HUI CHUN! AMANDA!
it's been long since we met!
and today's outing was a little special..
we went for a picnic at botanic gardens!
and then went for a little christmas shopping down orchard.

haha, these two people i've known for 5 long years!
this friendship sure stretches a long way back!
we've all been through thick and thin together.
all the laughters and stupid things we say or think of.
wonder if such a friendship will last.
i sure hope it will.

cheers to our friendship.

love ya, huch and mach! =)
[awaiting our 21st birthday which also is our
friendship's 10th anniversary!]

muthu's mother tongue

2008-12-17T00:38:00.003+08:00

τίποτα που θέλω να πω αμέσως. i' μ βουβό, πράγματι. τίποτα είναι κάτι πάντα πάντα εν λόγω και yup, υποθέτω ότι δεν σκέφτομαι αρκετά να πάρω τι αισθανθήκατε έπειτα. λοξοτομώ παίρνω όλο αυτό το και αναγνωρίζω ότι είναι σκληρό, αλλά ι που σταματά ακόμα. το αύριο θα είναι μια ολοκαίνουργια ημέρα, και να είστε ένας ολοκαίνουργιος εγώ!

haha! this is so tamil!
it's just some random antique scrolls that i found online coincidentally.
so cool looking.
i think i'm mad.
highing over such a dumb thing.
haha. goodnight then! =)

2008-12-11T15:32:00.002+08:00

i'm back from mission trip!
it was such a great experience.
there were a million and one learning points from it.
i'm glad i was part of the team!

i'd love to visit that place again.
it's carefree there and the people are so hospitable.
they're absolutely passionate for God,
they've got such prayerful hearts and
they're just worth all of us to learn from.
there's so many other things i've got from the mission trip,
but i guess i wont list it out one be one. haha.

and one absolutely beautiful scene i'll always remember of malaysia.
i saw it on the bus trip to kumpung jering.
seating at the window seat, it's only natural to look out of the window.
and being a huge fan of the sky, i looked up.
the stars.
there were many. so so many.
they were like the clouds of the night sky.
each one hung in the sky blinking constantly.
a scene that i dont think i can ever see in my own country.
too bad, i didn't take a photo of that beautiful sight.
but, it'll always be etched in my memory after all
and i'll be able to view it as long as i close my eyes.
one word to summarise it all-
beautiful.
God's creation is simply beautiful.

life is fragile

2008-11-23T22:47:00.003+08:00

"BANG!" and you see, all's gone in a flash.
life is so so fragile.
one day, probably while doing the least dangerous thing you consider, you may just be gone in a flash as well.
like, while walking down some stairs, you miss one and hit your head.
unrealistic? think again.
it happened to the principal of my tuition centre and she passed away due to the hard fall.

what else can describe life except fragile?
it really is you know!
jay walking is another example.
just to get to the opposite end in probably 1 min faster, you take the gamble of a 50% chance of killing yourself!
i'm not talking about those kinds of minor jay walks like crossing when the whole road is empty.
i'm referring to really those that carry out major jay walking like running cross the road when the car is just 10m away just to catch a bus when it's obvious you can't.
love life! don't take such a huge risk!
then again,
how do you define minor and major jay walks?
you have yours and i have mine.
probably you presume that you know the rhythm of the road so so well (oops, haha),
but accidents aren't called accidents for nothing!
i'm not kidding!

after hearing your prayer request, something weighed in me so heavily.
i wish your friend well and that God will place His healing hands on her so that she'll be fine again.
i pray that He'll bless her and take care of her.
and that she'll wake up soon.
Amen.

a day to remember

2008-11-21T12:04:00.003+08:00

i had a great great day just yesterday spending time with my parents.
it was a wonderful experience because sad to say, the previous one was ages ago.
the laughters, the memories, the jokes that we cracked..
its priceless.

i found out something new about my dad too!
he said that when he was young, he used to visit those bars and watched all the performances till the bar had to close.
this suddenly made me figure out why i also enjoy such visits to bars though few.
we're quite alike aren't we?
we love to crack jokes and laugh, although my dad always appears to be serious and quiet.
he's quite a nice man, to think about it.
okay, not quite, but really a nice man.
no wonder my mum would fall for him.
haha.

oh, and it has been ages since we walked down orchard road to appreciate the christmas lightings!
and eat those 1 dollar cone ice-creams together!
too bad my brother wasn't there or he would have completed the numbers in the family.
and that would really mean a family outing!

this mini shopping experience with them really made me love them even more and treasure them more than ever.
i shall start planning the next one! :)

such simple joys in life like spending time with our parents is often neglected, ain't it?
this pace that the world is moving at would really strip away precious time that we have to carry out those simple joys.
i've learnt that yesterday, have you learnt yours?
food for thought:
when was the last time you spent quality time with those you dearly love?

WHY?

2008-11-19T23:05:00.004+08:00

why?
i've always been wondering.
how many times a day will a person say why?
or how many times an hour will a person think why?
i guess it's countless.
we're all made to question many things sometimes.

why is the sky blue and clouds white?
why is the grass green and the tree trunks brown?
why is this this, and why is that that?
have you wondered?

i have.

i've always wondered why. always.
however,
always wondering why doesnt guarantee always getting an answer for it.
i'm quite sure only God can answer all my why questions.
but that does not necessarily mean i'll get it.
God has His reasons too and yes, i'll just have to wait.

so, i've come to a conclusion.
there's 3 possibilities to my why questions:
1. the answer itself.
2. wait and you'll find out.
3. you're not going to know that answer in your lifetime.

haha. why oh why..

2008-11-18T00:03:00.010+08:00

whymustibelabelleddumbwhenicare?
unlessmyearsheardwrongly,otherwisei'mprettysureyoudidso.
it'shurtingyouknow?very.
youcouldhavejustkeptittoyourself.
donthavetotellyourfriend(s).
thankyousomuchformakingdumbknowntotheworld.

mixed feelings

2008-11-12T01:35:00.013+08:00

tick.. and the clock struck 9!
ITS OVER!
o's have OFFICIALLY ENDED!
this is such an incredible feeling, it's just so hard to describe.
and how did i celebrate it?
i went to malaysia to shop with ling hui!
well.. didnt really buy much, but had a great and fun time over there. haha

on the other note, the equation balances out like this:
end of o's = end of secondary school.
i must say this equation is one that can be nerve wrecking at times.
where am i to be or to go once i've completed my secondary education?
to a JC? or a Poly?
to the arts stream or the science stream?
to which course out of the countless courses in Poly?
wow.. look at the vast choices to choose from!
though it may not be as many as when you step into a uni or into the society,
it just feels overwhelming at this point where you have only been up to this stage.

well... i guess it all voices down to faith and trust.
faith in believing what is unseen in the future
and
trusting that God's plan would be the best of all.
this also means listening-
listening to God's calling.

i read a book today.
it was about passion to serve and making a difference.
the book mentioned something that i found real meaningful.
"passion is a gift from God to empower you"
so.. this thought came to me.
instead of always looking for where my passion lays,
why not i discover the passion that God has already laid for me?
and yes.. that's what i shall do!
although i may not know how long i'll take to discover it
or how to even start discovering it,
i'll keep trying till the day i discover the passion that comes from God.

and finally, just once more,
O's are OVER!

in the blink of an eye

2008-11-06T20:45:00.004+08:00

there has always been this thing in me that kept me from believing the phrase where people say "in the blink of an eye, everything will past."
seriously, i've experienced times where i've blinked as much as i can and i'm still...
where i am!
so how can it be true that in the blink of AN eye, all will past?!
well.. thats just if you take it literally though.
however, i've really experienced it today!
it's my 2nd last paper today and i'm really glad!
just 3 weeks ago, i was just wondering how i can ever get through this 1 month long exam period.
and... really, almost in the blink of an eye, i've only 1 more paper left next week!
all thanks to God who really just aided me through this whole time and for all the friends that kept encouraging me.
it's coming to an end, and i cant express how glad i am!
soon, i'm gonna close this chapter of my life and flip open a brand new one.
the thought of it is exciting, scary and oh also saddening at the same time.
but, i believe all will be fine just as this chapter is =)
what's more, God will be with me through each and every chapter!

one more thing...

2008-10-31T10:20:00.000+08:00

i had a dream!
it was on the social studies question!
all i remembered was that xin pei and i were in the toilet and she asked me which question i attempted for ss. and i told her insecurity!
hmmm.. did i actually mean the theme on international conflict and transnational terrorism?
probably it's due to the 4 hours i spent in the library studying that theme earlier on.
haha.
you know, after looking through the post that i posted last night, i came to realise i actually have forgotten one thing!
one really important thing!
its my friends!
through this whole o's experience, i've seen how much the people around me care and how much their support and encouragement can mean in times like this!
thank you all! =)
from the prayers and cards to all the many text messages.
its a heartwarming experience i must say.
thank you again! =)

counting down...

2008-10-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

it's finally coming!! the end of o's!

just 5 more papers to go and i'll be free!!

i'll then get to experience complete and incomplete combustion with my books and notes!

haha! =D

o's has been alright so far..

not that there's no difficult papers, but just that through every paper, whether tough or less tough, i get to experience something new!

let's see.. geog was tough because they combined questions which was unexpected.

but through it, i've found out how much i should depend not on myself but on God.

and physics was equally tough. actually, tougher!

but only through it, i've known how much hardwork really pays off!

what else? oh yes, A maths!

the papers weren't considered very very tough, but i think i was overly anxious about it resulting in a bad tummyache.

but.. God listened and answered and by the time i reached the 6th question, the tummyache was totally gone!

there's still many other experiences, but i'll not list them down. too many to record!

well.. all i can say is that i'm glad this o's experience made me realise so much.

from God's love, grace and mercy, to life's greatest lessons of only through hardwork will you succeed.

o's isn't that scary or fearful anymore! it all depends on how much we're willing to hand everything to God and how much sweat we're willing to give.

so... for all of you who are going to take your o's in time to come, it's more impt to enjoy the process and the experience than to get overly anxious!

ALL THE WAY!! =)

white clouds turned grey by the second

2008-10-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

A sudden fear overwhelmed me.

My white puffy clouds have started to turn grey as the clock goes on ticking day by day.

I very much want it to be over quickly,
but yet on the other hand, the fear of stepping into the examination hall is just too great to
overcome.

I'm in a dilemma!

But i know its a fact that i'll have to step into it after all.
It's just a matter of time.

so... FACE IT BRAVELY!
Easy said than done though.

Today, while waiting for the english mock exam to begin,
all the sec 4s had to wait outside the hall for the teachers who were preparing inside.

Suddenly, that fear hit me again!

This is going to be the exact same thing that is happening in just..
ONE WEEK'S TIME!!

one more week?! but why?
The last time i took a glimpse at the countdown timer, it showed 93 days!

The next look at it and only 7?!

OH NO! HELP!

the foremost post!

2008-10-08T01:26:00.000+08:00

i promise i'll make my blog successful this time!

for the past few times i've created a blog, i either forgot the password, otherwise, the url.

how silly can one ever get? haha.

this time however, i've made it a point to jot it down! if i ever forget again, probably i'll get lazy and never create another account anymore.

so here goes.. from 07 October 2008, jolene will start blogging!

stay tuned! =)